Monday madness #4

I'd give anything to hear a barbershop quartet consisting of Bob Dylan, Lou Reed, Johnny Rotten, and Tom Waits.

News from outside

In addition to books, I find the occasional newspaper in the room in my dreams. The words, however, are blended in such a way that provides a glimpse into the events of the day but obscures what has actually happened. Again, entertainment when I have nothing better to dream.

A dictionary in the room of dreams

I mentioned that the room in my dreams was home to many books. One of the most interesting of these is a dictionary. It appears normal enough from the outside, but upon opening it one discovers its insane brilliance. It translates entire phrases from English into random language after random language, finally returning to English in much worse condition than what one started with. I can think of no practical use for such a dictionary, but it provides entertainment when I have nothing better to dream.

Sp(eed )reading the news #4

When it comes to the Gulf of Mexico, Defense Secretary Robert Gates wants the military to triple melanoma risk. The Obama administration released a social-networking flotilla in the eurozone. Many of his 43 predecessors twisted themselves into knots and in the end, they all died and went to heaven. Navy commandos confirmed late Thursday they are engaged and expecting Wesley Snipes, Sylvester Stallone, and Annie Leibovitz. Gays and lesbians serving openly in the hurricane-prone waters of the Atlantic see the Mona Lisa. Property owners, with the right mixture of sunshine and rain, will fall ill and almost certainly die.

U Are (My Life Paper)

"Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life for Me)," as translated by Google from English to Belarusian to Indonesian to Persian to Swedish to Urdu and back to English:

U Are (My Life Paper)

Do U Do U, pirates are my life.
We robbery, plunder, we rifle and loot us,
P., to take, O are.
We kidnap and murder, and do not care.
I drink, the UK, maybe.

Do U Do U, pirates are my life.
We, we steal, we can steal and bags
BC, I, O to him.
Looting and perspective, and even block
P., to take, O are.

Do U Do U, pirates are my life.
Our clear signs: swollen, and fire
P., to take, O are.
We burned the city, we fear,
P., to take, O are.

We residues, waste, ola, and criminals
P., to take, O are.
Satan and black sheep, we, too bad eggs
P., to take, O are.

Do U Do U, pirates are my life.
We are beggars and years, cads never fit,
P., to take, O are.
Yes, but we love our mother and father,
P., to take, O are.

Bloody pudding

Time for another Tuesday taste bud tangler: bloody pudding. The great tastes of blood pudding and bloody mary, together at last.

Ingredients

1 quart pig's blood
1 pound suet
1 quart milk
1 cup cooked barley
1 cup dry rolled oats
8 ounces bread crumbs
1 cup vodka
3 cups tomato juice
Tabasco sauce to taste
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
4 ounces lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste
1 stalk celery (optional)
1 sprig of mint (optional)

Directions

Mix all ingredients except vodka together in a bowl, then pour into a Dutch oven and bring to a boil. Remove from heat and add vodka. Pour into bowls and chill until firm.
Garnish with a sprig of mint and celery, if desired.

Monday madness #3

The reason so many blues musicians wake up in the morning with the blues is that they're experiencing desynchronized circadian rhythms. Specifically, their body temperature and REM sleep cycles are phase-advanced relative to their sleep patterns, which can lead to depression in individuals who are prone to depressive illness. This is known as the rhythm and blues hypothesis.

Strawberry Domain Name Always

"Strawberry Fields Forever," as translated by Google from English to Afrikaans to Catalan to French to Norwegian to Vietnamese and back to English:

Strawberry Domain Name always

Let me make to track because I had Strawberry Domain Name.
Nothing is real and nothing to fear.
Strawberry Domain Name always.

Life is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It is difficult to achieve, but one that worked, do not do much for me.

Let me make to track because I had Strawberry Domain Name.
Nothing is real and nothing to fear.
Strawberry Domain Name always.

No, I believe in my tree, I think it is high or low.
That's what you know you can not agree, but nothing happens, I think that it is not too bad.

Let me make to track because I had Strawberry Domain Name.
Nothing is real and nothing to fear.
Strawberry Domain Name always.

But sometimes I think, but you know what I know when a dream.
I think I know, I would say yes, but everything is bad, because I think I disagree.

Let me make to track because I had Strawberry Domain Name.
Nothing is real and nothing to fear.
Strawberry Domain Name always.
Strawberry Domain Name always.

Crickets and letters

There's a room in my dreams. I've been going there for years. Not every night, though I can sometimes redirect myself there once I realize I'm dreaming. I've decorated and furnished the place to my liking and it's a welcome stop on any night's journey. I keep a few records there, a ton of books, some artwork. There's a comfortable couch but I can't sit for long or I forget what I'm doing and find myself in another dream. You know those dreams where you hold onto something so tightly, believing it will actually work this time, that a bit of dream treasure will defy the laws of reality when you wake up and open your hand? I keep a few of those things in the room. Nothing amazing, just for sentimental value.

I was 13 the first time I dreamed of the room. We lived near a lake at the time and I dreamed one night that it had dried up, revealing a small house that had been submerged for who knows how long. I walked across the dried mud, opened the door, and found myself in a single room which felt like every room I'd ever called my own. I've never seen the room from the outside since then. The only exit from the room is a door that can lead me pretty much wherever I want to dream of next, if I concentrate hard enough. I've been to Ancient Egypt, Cuba, and the moon.

There's something else about the room that makes me a little nervous every time I dream of it. Many years ago there was a cricket in the room; I couldn't find it but I heard its chirping for several minutes before I left. I'd forgotten this until several days later when a real cricket found its way into my apartment and kept me awake half the night. Another time, I opened a letter in the room (no idea how it got there) and learned that a relative had had a heart attack. Within a couple of weeks, this actually happened. I started keeping a journal a few years ago, which is how I figured out that these dreams always precede the real event by exactly nine days.

Last night, for the first time in over 20 years, there was a new door in the room. I had just turned to face it when the dream ended.

If the door is still there the next time I dream of the room, I'm going to open it.

Sp(eed )reading the news #3

The Tea Party's North Korean torpedo threatened to rain on Pac-Man's 30th birthday. U2 lead singer Bono had emergency duct tape and a celery stalk at the end of a very choppy car bomb. The Republican Party has reportedly been arrested and charged with vehicles that run on half the delicate wetlands of Louisiana. Iran will put their ideological stamp on more bicyclists than usual. School children in Texas avoided what may have been a protracted battle with Turkey. Miss USA warned scientists that only God can eat a Milky Way. Long-term damage to the 700-pound moose's marriage to Bullock sounds "un-American."

Where in the world #2

Royal Palm Reserve
Where does the tree end and where
do the vines begin?

Herman Paradox

Herman Paradox closed his eyes and woke up. It was 11:30 in the afternoon. "Yikes! I better hurry if I want to waste my whole day!" Herman jumped into bed, got dressed, and took a shower. He ate a loaf of toast and instant 3-minute eggs for breakfast, then washed down a couple of caffeine pills with some decaf coffee.
Herman got into his car and walked to a park he'd never seen many times before. "I know this area like the back of my palm," thought Herman. Suddenly, nothing happened. A few minutes later, Herman came to the edge of a dense clearing, surrounded by more of the same. A foreboding house sat invitingly at the top of a deep hill. Herman approached a rusty wooden gate, dug a hole underneath, and hopped over. He paused for a moment and then, without delay, ran slowly down to the porch and knocked on the doorbell.

To be preceded...

Pale shade of white

"A Whiter Shade of Pale," as translated by Google from English to Croatian to German to Korean to Spanish to Ukrainian and back to English:

Pale shade of white

Wu Li conceded light fandango
This is not a somersault on the floor.
I felt sick.
The audience loved.
The room was thrum
There are ceiling flew away.
We drink janyirago
A waiter brought a tray.

And then with
Miller own story, as you say,
For the first time her face just a ghost
And my shadow went pale white.

She said: "There is no reason
And you can clearly see the truth."
But I roamed the card game
And do not let
Vestal virgins, 16
What were forced to leave the coast.
Although open eyes
They also were closed.

And then with
Miller own story, as you say,
For the first time her face just a ghost
And my shadow went pale white.

Random?

Totally random places. Or are they?

Pat the ?

Not bad for Microsoft Paint. I could have done something truly terrifying with Photoshop.

Stars include

The first verse of "The Star-Spangled Banner," as translated by Google from English to Albanian to Chinese to Dutch to Hebrew to Welsh and back to English:

Stars include

Oh, you can see the sunrise the sunrise,
Let us be glad to praise night last gleaming?
Who latitude and bright stars through the dangerous fight
We see the wall so brave to flow?
The red glow of the rockets and bombs exploding in the sky,
Show that night, our flag was still there.
Oh, do not fly the flag is still full of stars
Free country and home of the brave?

Tonsils

Time for some Tuesday tonsil trivia:

Tonsils account for 0.006% of the average person's total body weight.

Source: Fogiel, M. (1984). Handbook of mathematical, scientific, and engineering formulas, tables, functions, graphs, transforms. New York, N.Y.: Research and Education Association.

Monday madness #2

Let's invent a substance that burns at 70 °F, so kids can play with fire safely.

Sp(eed )reading the news #2

A federal appeals court has landed on US soil. Iceland's Eyjafjoell volcano threatened those criticizing Arizona's new tainted lettuce. Goldman Sachs maneuvered a massive metal law that empowers police to explain a record plunge in the stock market. President Obama, using undersea robots but lacking a majority, lacks the authority to dream of red mansions. The Federal Communications Commission was first approved as a contraceptive and confined to a wheelchair. The economy added nearly 300,000 new people facing a relentless grind of death.

Friddle

Find beauty occuring in nature, look deeper, and you may be surprised. Curves of shells, petals of flowers, and pine cone spirals are examples of naturally occurring Fibonacci numbers. This sequence of numbers (1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,...) is also the key to a word hidden within these words. Can you find it?

Story of Gilligan's Island

"The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle," as translated by Google from English to Arabic to Bulgarian to Danish to Italian to Swahili to Thai and back to English:

Story of Gilligan's Island

Just sitting listening to stories,
important story of the trip,
it started from the pier
aboard.

It is not the sea good people,
leadership, courage and confidence.
Five passengers set off on
for travel three hours, to travel three hours.

The weather started to drag
and throw a little boat.
If not the staff courage of fear,
Necklace, Necklace will lose, will be lost.

Ship this fall on the male side
island residents do not know.
Gilligan, on the many,
millionaire and his wife,
movie star,
Professor and Mary Ann,
this Gilligan 's Island.

Where in the world

Devil's Glen, Ireland
East of the Wicklow Mountains
A storm approaches

Barbecued split pea soup

Time for another Tuesday taste bud tangler:

Barbecued split pea soup

Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 small onion, chopped
1 bay leaf
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups dried split peas
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
6 cups water
3 carrots, chopped
3 potatoes, diced
1/2 cup chopped parsley
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 sprig of mint (optional)

Directions

Saute the oil, onion, bay leaf, and garlic in a large pot over medium high heat for 5 minutes. Add the peas, salt, and water. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 2 hours, stirring occasionally.
Add the carrots, potatoes, parsley, basil, thyme, and ground black pepper. Simmer for another hour.
When the soup is almost done simmering, light the grill.
Take the pot of soup outside and pour it over the grill. Pause for a moment to contemplate the importance of always following directions.
Use a ladle or large spoon to scoop the soup out of the bottom of the grill and into bowls.
Garnish with a sprig of mint, if desired.

Monday madness

Let's graft Prince's head and arms onto Jack White's body, give that monster a couple of guitars, and stand back - because this is so gonna rock.

New embroidery

The opening crawl of Star Wars: Episode IV, as translated by Google from English to Estonian to Filipino to Icelandic to Turkish to Yiddish and back to English:

NEW EMBROIDERY

The period of civil war.
Rebel space ship search
gained from the secret base
the first victory against
bad galaxy Empire.

In the struggle, the rebels
space managed to steal secrets
Empire plans
last guns, death
star, armored bed
enough power station
they spend the entire planet.

Empire sought
sinister agents, Princess
March competition at home, it's on board
starship manger
you can save it Stalin plans
people and recreation
galaxy freedom.... In

Start sp(eed )reading the news

The US military has five times as much oil as previously exploded. US officials said the ACLU interferes with campaign miners. Rescuers were unable to be chilly for this time of year, but last minute air quality has improved. The American annual report found its lowest particle historian in New York City schools. The growing oil danger headache imperiled his re-election. Opponents pray outside the state Capitol building for their struggling company, the controversial depths of an icky high-calorie children's iPad. The Port of New Orleans delivers the eulogy to allow women to serve on submarines. A balloon carrying telescopes in the prevention of cognitive decline could mean lost congressional seats.